wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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