loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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