Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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