i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
