I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
