Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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