you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
