I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
