we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
