What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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