Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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