that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
