I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
