your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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