I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
