Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
