From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
