you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
