Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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