i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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