my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
