wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
