Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
