I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
