so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
