i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
