STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
