Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
