i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
