Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
