Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
