I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
