remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they need to just BURY HIM!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
