I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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