Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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