dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
