drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
