Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your cock deserves a montage
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
