I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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