You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
