There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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