I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
