the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
