You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
