You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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