I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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