My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
