I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
