Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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