I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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