and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
