I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
