Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
