I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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