dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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