It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
