My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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