farters have to be the big spoon...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
