let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
