Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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