I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
